radiant-lights

it is just that when i let go of you when i let go it's hard to remain that perfect without you. -- the in-between of love, buds- so full of potential our love is written in whispers on the pages of a book which has not yet been opened. -- that day, the sun had erased the last lines of an unforgiving winter from my skin, i was renewed olive skinned and feeling as if i had just fled the eternal garden naked as i came- free, fallen. -- the sky was dark; nothing but the blood red smile of the moon cut through the transient darkness of the night.

my eyes scanned the room searching for his face, his eyes, the curl of his auburn hair. anything. tonight was my last night here and all i wanted was to see my love one more time. the bar was rowdy and those dear to me joined to send me off to a far and distant land. but the one dearest to me was no where to be seen. final memories of crashing plates and bruised hearts were eclipsed by tender caresses and swelling emotions. i checked my phone. nothing. i surveyed the happy scene before me. nothing. and then i heard it: his piercing love cry through the crowd. pleading for me not to leave him, to stay with him, to die with him. a

i lost you and found you and lost you and found that i could be so much more if only i cared a little less the nights alone are cold but there is a warmth in turning away from your cold gaze that the sun envies you masterly pluck the tears in my eyes like the strings of a harp that only sings of heartbreak and the tune is getting old the memories linger like the stale taste of cigarette smoke on skin and regret all mixed into one, never-ending comatose love there was a time when there were happy thoughts but i've become unstuck and alive in the slaughterhouse of lost love and broken dreams and time is just something that controlled me

when i was younger i couldn't gracefully spin myself underwater and push off like the rest of my team-mates, the world became too disoriented once i was under so they put me in the slow lane and instead i plodded along and tapped the wall with my fingers pushing off with my toes harder than the rest just trying to keep up.

you are the hot burn of a forest fire when all i want is the cold sting of embers kissing my skin flames licking softly at my lips pulling away pulling me in i want the frantic pace of an asymmetrical body rather than the perfect incline of your colar bone or the racing heartbeat that starts and never stops rough hands, smooth words, rough nights fingers fumbling, falling bodies, laughs of comfort where are you and where am i that we are in the same place but not on the same page?

my watch is telling me that it is far too late but i know this is just the right time for us the night is spent going between magical waking moments and the brief interludes of our love when the dream world catches us but we shake free and find our way to our corporal form and cling to one another so that we won't be parted again. "i think the sun is rising" and i become aware of the fleetingness of our passion the morning will come and i will kiss you goodbye and we will go back to pleasantries until once again the night hour beckons us together it will be too late, but it will be just in time.

sometimes my brain feels like its going so fast and so slow at the same time that everything i've ever said, done, thought, felt happens at the exact same time i wish i could rewind the tape.

we are between waking moments and drifting daydreams your tender touch felt in my bones, i wish i could bottle up with all the other spine tingling moments that pass with the rise and fall of your chest misty mornings are the bookends of our love flittering eyelids keep away the thoughts i run from in our shared dreams- creaking realities heard as quite comforts lies we told ourselves, lies i believed, lies i loved.